alex the triple x threat
by xxGrimmxx
Summary: normal girl is put into the movie but shes not normal and she has a strange obsession with Xander cage could it get any weirder i say yes it can.
1. your giving me porn

My thoughts: _bla bla_

_My other voice: __**bla bla**_

Skipping down the street I watched the lamps flicker I smiled popping an m and m in my mouth greedily chewing it up.

"You are sixteen going on seventeen fellows should fall in line" I sang bobbing my head to the tune as I was kicking up snow; I smiled and sat on a park bench.

"Moms going to be so angry when I get home" I said to no one, you see I had *clears throat* vandalized her boyfriend's car so right now im incognito.

"Like 007" I yelled out in triumph.

"Or xander cage but without the muscle or nice butt" I said slouching into the bench.

"That would be wawsome to be in that movie, I would so stand behind him all day yummy. I'll take an order of Xander buns extra warm with chocolate" I said out loud as if I was ordering bread, I smiled as I pushed up my reading glasses, yes I wear glasses just for reading I could take them off if I wanted but I look better with them they frame my face nicely even though I can't see a long distance when I wear them.

"When you like cheese" I sang jumping on top of the bench "you just like it like a hippo and Steve" I sang yelling the last part.

"Who's Steve?" I heard a voice asked I turned around quickly falling onto my butt in the process, looking up I saw a weird looking guy.

"He's the hippo's lover, but shh it's a secret" I said putting my fingers to my lips, he just quirked an eyebrow confused, I just stood brushing myself off used to that reaction by now.

"So dude" I began he thrust a DVD case into my hand, I looked down to see three x's glowing on the case I cringed.

"You're giving me porn shame on you im not even twenty!" I yelled poking his chest he stepped back surprised.

"It's not porn it's your destiny" he said like a cheesy line from a movie, I quirked an eyebrow.

_Ha my turn for eyebrow quirking_

I looked down and saw Xander on the front smiling I nodded.

"Oh it's that triple x I see ok thanks dud…." I looked up to see he was gone, shrugging I stuck the movie in my coat pocket, my coats ignoramus wait I mean big…huge oh whatever it's cool.

**15 minutes later**

I slipped through the back gate, as I hummed the 007 theme song well switching from that to mission impossible and star wars.

"Mission control this is red leader I got a birdie singing in my pants over" I said trying to make as little sense as possible.

"Alright copy that funky chicken" I said in a deeper voice.

"Alright bald bucket im going to scale the wall and throw a sneak attack" I said whispering into my hand, I grabbed the vine thingy what do you call those the vines climb up them oh never mind its white that's all I know.

_**Yep that's all you know**_

"Oh shut it" I said to the air in my head.

"I just insulted myself I really am losing it" I said as I climbed the vine thing, I made it up to my sisters' window.

"Code red im at the pink powder puffs lair should I proceed" I asked into my hand again.

"yes but with extreme caution if you caught it will turn you into one of its own" I said in a deeper voice is shivered as I continued climbing I finally made it to my window slipping in since I never lock it.

_That's going to get you killed some day_

"I know an axe murder will enter through my window but he shall die of girl fandom as soon as he enters" I said letting out a quite evil laugh, taking off my coat I threw it on my bed and slipped of my chucks throwing them someplace random as well.

_**You really are nuts**_

"Says the second voice in my head" I said feeling my way over to the light switch turning it on I sighed in relief.

_**I can't believe you're still afraid of the dark**_

"That means you're scared of the dark to so shut it pumpkin butt" I said angry at the little voice in my head, walking over to my bathroom yes there is a bathroom connected to my room snazzy right.

"Ok light turn on" I said clapping my hands together.

"Clapper light" I said peeking my head in nothing turned on I sighed walking in I ran in quickly seeing if my feet slapping on the tile would turn it on turning to run out I ran into my door and fell onto the tile the light turned on shining in my eyes I groaned rolling over, I heard someone walk to my door.

"Alex are you in there? If you are get out here this instant!" a voice I recognized as my mothers, sitting up I looked around frantically.

"Uhh… Alex is not at home" I said in a squeaky voice while running out of my bathroom, I slipped on my wood floor and fell onto my butt.

"Alex open this door" my mom said she sounded angry I cringed.

"Door do me a favour do not open" I said begging the door I stood I began to put on my shoes when the door flew open.

"Stupid door I loved you it's over now" I said snapping my fingers my mom stood there hands on her hips hair messy and work suit on I smiled.

"Hi mom I was going to open the door" I said while holding my shoe while balancing on one foot, she scowled.

"Downstairs now" she stated venom lacing her words.

_Ha she sounds like a snake hmmm I wonder what she'd look like_

Back to the present we had walked down the stairs and into the drive-way where max stood examining my handiwork, I stopped gasping and looked at max.

"Max someone has vandalized that vehicle" I said in surprise. (Alex; the Grinch with Jim Carrey got to love it) he looked at me scowling.

"Alex why did you do this?" my mom asked I sighed and shrugged.

"it was a boring car I spruced it up now it looks like a street racing car" I said making vroom noises and honking an imaginary horn she crossed her arms I stopped and looked at her, I put my head down.

"Sorry max I clean the car tomorrow" I said stuffing my hands in my pockets, turning I began to walk to the house I missed a small bottle of frozen pop and tripped over it making the back of my shirt ride up as I ate snow.

"Stupid coke I hate you" I yelled throwing the bottle it crashed through the car window I sighed, my mom came up behind me she lifted the back of my shirt up.

"Whoa mom don't get handsy" I said trying to turn around when I did her face was bright red I shrunk back.

"When did you get that tattoo?" she asked quietly.

_**Rule one when a mother is quiet and red run away my friend**_

"Uh what tattoo?" I asked rubbing the back of my head.

_**Strike on**_

"The three x's on your lower back they look like the ones from that disgusting movie you watch" she said even quieter.

"Uh it's sharpie" I said shrinking back more.

_**Strike two**_

"Is it permanent?" she asked her voice dangerously low.

"Umm maybe" I said quietly.

_**Strike three and you're out of there**_

"Go to your room you are grounded for the next month no TV no internet no friends not phone and you are not allowed to leave your room unless the house is on fire!" my mother yelled I nodded and ran away.

_**Brave sir robin ran away bravely ran away away when danger reared its ugly head he bravely turned his tail and fled.**_

Making it safely to my room I shut the door and breathed a sigh of relief I slid down onto the floor.

"I can't believe this" I said to myself upset.

_**I can and I can't believe you didn't tell me we got a tattoo**_

"You were there wining the whole time about pain oh the pain" I said standing up, I walked over to my bed and flopped onto it just to jump up and rub my back.

"My own bed has betrayed me!" I yelled pointing an accusing finger at it, I slowly looked at a corner sticking out of the coat, and pouncing on it I pulled out the DVD case I smirked.

"They may have taken my freedom but not my right to ogle xander" I said holding the DVD above my head.

_**Why did I choose your head?**_

"because I give you food and shelter" I said earning a grunt of a response from the voice I took the DVD out and put it on the player hooking up my headphones to the TV I sat in front of it smiling., the menu screen came up smiling I noticed something different.

"Are you ready to enter?" I said quietly leaning forward I leaned back.

"Heck yeah" I said pumping my fist in the air pressing enter all the lights went out and I passed out.


	2. your girlfriend is weird

Alex: onward to sexy xander

* * *

Waking up I looked around to see I was in a diner I scrunched my nose, looking down at myself to make sure I wasn't having a naked dream I sighed seeing my green chucks grey skinny jeans and my shirt that said 'if you find this shirt its probably cause were going streaking' I sighed relieved I rubbed my head and pulled down my bangs to see the blue streaks' hay I've had bald dreams and those are worse than the naked dreams.

_**Where are we who are they?!**_

The voice yelled making me cringe I had the worst head ache a waitress walked over.

"Hey sweety what can I get you?" she asked sweetly I looked at the clock it was seven in the morning groaning I rubbed my head.

"Pancakes and coffee" I said rubbing my temples, I am not a morning person last person who woke me up this early had a black eye, looking around I saw a guy in a suit and a trucker, I turned my head down I heard someone say something looking up I saw the trucker glaring at me.

"What?" I asked annoyed, I glared back he looked shocked for a moment before recovering he had a lump in his jacket standing I walked slowly over to the counter next to him where some napkins were he swung out a gun pointing it at me I smirked throwing the napkin holder at his head I twisted his gun out of his hand and hit him in the head with the butt, swinging it around I pointed it at the guy reading his newspaper just as he reached for his gun.

"No no no hand it over" I said slowly he did slowly I smiled holding them I knocked him over the head so both were passed out.

_**Whoa that was awesome**_

"Was that completely necessary?" a voice behind me asked I turned to see a familiar face I smiled turning the gun over I shot at him popping my lips there were blanks.

"Nope it was fun" I said setting down the guns (Alex: ha boles eye from daredevil love that guy), I slid into a booth.

"So what tipped you off?" he asked I smiled.

"clock was broken I scared the trucker who was sitting there and he asked me a question something about what you looking at when I glanced so all I can say is sixth graders could do better" I said leaning forward he nodded smiling.

"Are you willing to do something for your country?" he asked leaning forward I put my hand to my chin.

"Depends what country your talking about the one with gumdrops and ponies or the U.S"I said his smile dropped.

_**You just blew your smart streak**_

"The u.s" he said making sure I didn't freak I nodded he smiled I felt something shoot my stomach, I felt dizzy I looked to see him holding a dart gun I glared.

"Jerk" I said before passing out.

**Hour or so later**

I woke up groaning I felt quite weightless, opening my eyes a red light acuminated the surroundings I groaned sitting up I felt eyes on me looking around I pulled off my glass's to clean them looking at them I saw they were broken.

"Jerk broke my glass's" I mumbled angry, I threw them at the floor making them bounce.

"Look sleeping beauties awake." I heard looking over I saw a marine guard dude.

"Shut up I have a head ache as it is and your voice isn't helping" I said aggravated.

_**Oh someone's grumpy**_

He scowled and turned away, I stood cracking my back I always hated doing it in public though cause it made my chest look huge and always caused problems, sitting back down I rubbed my neck my head ache going away slightly.

"Why is a chick here?" one of the guys asked I looked it was oh what's his name t.j.

"Cause this chick could totally beat your butt" I said sighing, he stood ready to pounce, I lifted my hand.

"look no matter how much I would love to show you I have a head ache and therefore am not in the mood" I said quietly he glared stomping over just to be stopped by a long muscular arm I looked down the arm and found tattoos creamy skin and a shaved head tall nice bod.

_Omg its sexy creamy caramel muscular hotty mc hotterten_

"Holy munchkins" I muttered under my breath there three feet in front of me was Xander cage holy cow, I felt a something wet role down my chin I wiped it away knowing it was drool luckily it was dark enough that nobody saw.

"Leave her alone wherever were going she won't last long" Xander said his voice was better in person deep and rough, the guy nodded, I don't care how hot he is that was not nice, I stood walking over to him I stood in front of him glaring he raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"Yeah Shorty?" he asked I growled, clenching and unclenching my fists.

_**Do not punch him remember his sexy face**_

I loosened up and rolled my shoulders I guess it made sense since I was shorter than him.

" im sure I could survive longer then you" I said poking his chest he watched me in amusement making me angrier.

"we'll see cutie" he said walking around me I glared then grabbed the strap on my shoulder wait strap looking on my back I saw a parachute I smiled.

_**Yay skydiving... Wait aren't you afraid of heights.**_

I nodded as the light turned green a black ops grabbed my arm I pulled it out of his grasp as the jump door opened.

"I can throw myself out thank you" I said walking to the door I looked out for a second before taking a deep breath I was about to jump when something pushed me out I screamed closing my eyes, swirling around in the air I saw the other guys be pushed out I squeezed my eyes shut and remembered my last encounter with skydiving.

**Flashback**

I was standing on the ground listening t the instructor explain everything I dazed in and out of the instructions only catching what I needed.

"Alright into the plane" he said getting in I fallowed behind two of my friends, sliding in I listened as he explained everything this time, we had made it to the right height he opened the door beckoning me over I walked over looking out the door I paled.

"Ok on the count of three jump 1, 2, 3 go!" he yelled I just stood there frozen he nodded as he looked at my pale face.

"Go on and sit down it's alright" he said rubbing my arm I sat down dejected.

**End of flashback**

I looked at my watch I had gotten that day it read how many feet I was at, it was actually for parachuting, looking at it I watched as I got closer to the round I just sighed pulling the string my chute opened I glided my way down having a slightly rocky landing for my first time but not bad, looking around I saw the guys land further away I quickly removed my chute, I heard faint clicks behind me turning I raised my hands.

"oh, me dijeron de venir aquí a tu jefe me dijo que era importante la bienvenida aquí a recoger a algunos de los productos" (oh i was told to come here your boss said i was welcome im here to pick up some of the product) I said quickly with nervous glances.

_**I forgot you spoke Spanish**_

"Of course I do" I said out loud making the three men look at me oddly I smiled.

"que le envoi" (he sent you) the hairy one said I nodded vigoursily he lowered his guns and motioned for the rest to do so I sighed lowering my hands, they motioned for me to fallow walking cautiously behind them I hummed the 007 theme song.

_**You know this is all fake right? There just actors.**_

"Yeah I know but it's fun" I said as they lead me into a building walking in I examined it sighing blood scattered the walls and weird tools were everywhere looking around I spotted Xander t.j and virg, I laughed. Turning to the three Mexicans a fourth one came out.

"Who is she?" the greasy man asked.

"The tooth fairy you've been a bad boy and didn't brush" I said wagging my finger in his face he stared back confused I smirked.

"The boss sent her" one of the guys said the man nodded I smiled sitting down.

"Wait here" the hairy guy said nodding I played with a piece of straw.

"So what do you guys get paid for this like over a hundred thousand or something" I said looking at him he quirked an eyebrow and continued.

"So are you going to torture them or something?" I asked standing I walked in a circle around xander.

"Possibly" the greasy man said I stopped behind him quirking my head to the side while looking at his backside.

_**Perv**_

I giggled walking back over to a chair I sat down the greasy man walked behind me I didn't think anything of it till I felt my hands yanked behind me I struggled against him as he tied ropes around them and wrapped chains around my body, he walked out the door I growled angrily.

"Get back here you fat ugly monkey butt im going to kick you to kingdom come!" I yelled struggling as xanders eyes began to open im sure the first thing he saw was me, he smirked looking at me I stopped wiggling and looked down I was chained looking confused.

_What's so interesting about chains oh wait he_

"All men are such perverts!" I yelled struggling more I heard the other guys moving, turning to them they were wiggling around they looked at me I glared.

"So much for every man for himself nice to see you fellas… and wonderful to see you cutie" he said I scowled.

"They went all out on this one, this is a pretty gnarly set up" tj said I nodded.

"Except for the fact its fake... I mean I used this fake blood on a Halloween costume" I said xander quirked an eyebrow.

"What its true and it gave me a good excuse to freak out my sister" I said smirking evilly, the greasy man walked back in, growled.

"It must be el Jeff how's it goin? Some weather were havin" xander said I snickered, the greasy man pulled the towel off the table to reveal some dorky looking torture tools, I snorted.

"That's it looks like toy kit 'your own torture kit torture like the real thing'" I said as if advertising a commercial Xander chuckled.

"So what's on the menu tonight? The ole blow torch to the family jewels routine, I'll bet. Hey you want roasted nuts lets break out the planters" he said burst into laughter earning a slap I growled I wiggled my leg it wasn't attached kicking up I hit him in the shin.

"Touch me again and your nuts will be roasted!" I yelled.

_**Go you that's what I taught you well kind of.**_

Smirking I spit at him; he stood and hit me again this time I sat still.

"Do you know what we do to people who come around here? You know what we do with people who come in our business?" greasy asked I rolled my eyes, greasy picked up a machete my eyes glazed.

_Oh shiny sharp im in love._

He walked over to xander, and stopped in front of him.

"We cut your Achilles tendon, your feet flop around like a marionette you aint walking nowhere no more sound good, tough guy? Or maybe instead tell me something." Greasy said I scrunched my nose

"What doin here?" he asked xander chuckled lightly.

"Oh I don't know it was an accident" he said I scanned the area looking around I saw a knife , it was on the ground, I looked over to see them having a chat so I leaned over my chair falling I let out a yelp, greasy turned around I looked over.

"I was trying to scratch my leg" I said stupidly the greasy man scowled turning back to xander I smiled reaching for the knife I pushed it away growling I reached again straining my arms I just barely grabbed it I started to cut at the rope it came loose I found where the chains were hooked I slipped them off and slid out of the chair I hid behind the table I looked over at the guys and put a finger to my lips in a hushing motion they nodded walking over I cut off their ropes ii looked over to see xander kicking the greasy mans butt, he had the chain around his neck choking him.

"Give me the keys" Xander demands my eyes glaze.

_He's so demanding_

_**Pay attention!**_

I came out of my daze to see bullets fly through the shack I hit the dirt trying to keep out of the line of fire.

"Im hit im hit" I heard tj yell I looked up.

"Their shooting for real this is real!" virg yelled I groaned.

"Great another thing to worry about" I said dusting myself off.

"Here help me with this guy" xander says walking over to tj I fallowed.

"It's like you said every man for himself" virg said I growled as he ran.

"only works when you're a man" xander yelled I bent down grabbing a towel I wrapped it around his leg and tightened it above the wound, I searched my hair for a pin pulling it out I grabbed Xanders hand.

"Come on you worked last week" I said coaxing the lock it popped opened I smiled in triumph kissing the pin.

"Come on" Xander said picking up tj I ran out behind him, he ran into cover he set tj down.

"You alright?" he asked him, tj smirked.

"I used to be a seal it's not the first time I've been shot" tj said I put pressure on the wound.

"Im going to go get us some wheels" xander said I nodded.

"I'll stay here with him" I said not waiting for a response he nodded running off.

"So how did you get into this?" he asked.

"Not sure one minute im watching a movie the next I blackout" I said holding his wound he cringed; I heard a crunch behind me jumping up I saw a guy holding a gun up I started the water works crying.

_**Wow those years of theatre really helped.**_

" please don't shoot I" I said the guy let his guard down I kicked the gun from his hand and grabbed it shooting him he fell down dead I turned back around setting the gun down next to me.

"Now I see why" he said chuckling I smirked.

"Never killed a guy but then again he wouldn't hesitate" I said he chuckled I paled.

_I just shot a guy I think im going to be sick_

I heard more noise turning around I saw black ops I quickly forgot what had just happened as a hood was thrown over my head I screamed and struggled taking down two of them before being knocked out, waking up I looked around I saw xander talking to Gibson groaning I stood slowly wobbling.

"Ah you're awake" Gibson said I glared at him.

"ok third time im really not in the mood first two not as bad but geese and you are a piece of work almost got us killed" I said rubbing my temples he grabbed a bottle of water and two white pills he held them in front of me.

"Oh no I am not taking those from you" I said shaking my head he nodded.

"you showed certain qualities you didn't run even if you might have had better chances, and you freed those men that shows a certain amount of leadership but more quick thinking" he said I quirked and eyebrow.

**Lots of eyebrow quirking going on**

"Really so what do you want?" I asked.

**2 hours later**

I was sitting down a nerdy guy walked over I scowled, he bent down putting an anklet thing on xanders leg.

"How about a pedicure as long as your down there" xander said I snorted in amusement, he looked at Gibson.

"Wherever you go on this planet, I'll find you. There's no quitting, if you try to take it off, a ring of needles will inject enough curare into you your bloodstream to kill you before you hit the floor" Gibson said.

"I get it I spy or I die" Xander said the nerdy guy walked over about to lift up my pant leg I kicked his chest picking up the bracelet I put it on my own ankle.

"What I don't like being touched" I said looking at my nails.

"You could have tossed it" Xander said I looked down for a moment then looked up.

"They probably got more of these things and I would prefer not to be knocked out" I said scowling he chuckled in response.

**At the airport**

I was sitting in one of the chairs I wanted a snack but they wouldn't let me have one why I have no idea, Xander sat next to me I was searching my pockets I happily pulled out my iPod scanning through my playlist, I turned it on to saliva 'sex drugs and rock and roll' I silently sang along playing air guitar.

Jumping into my 55' Chevy with flames  
I'm peelin' out at the light  
Feel like I'm going insane  
I'm shootin' straight through the night  
I'm like a runaway train  
I'm breakin' in doors and bringin' the pain

I got this feeling  
I don't know what to do  
Sex, drugs and violence  
Give me something to do, yeah

Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll  
I got a feeling down in my soul  
Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll  
You're never too young you're never too old

Looking over I saw the nerdy guy trying to get my attention rolling my eyes I took out an ear bud he handed me a phone I looked at him oddly.

"Keep in contact" Gibson said I nodded.

"Sorry mommy but I'll be busy I'll call you when I feel like it" I said putting the phone in my pocket, they stood I fallowed grabbing a backpack, we were at the gate.

"We'll call you triple x and you" Gibson said looking at me "are Chrystal" he said my mouth dropped open.

"What I sound like a hooker" I said he nodded.

"Exactly but you'll be his girlfriend" Gibson said.

"Well then whose girlfriend am I?" I asked Gibson looked at xander I shook my head.

"No way… we don't even match" I said groaning "I mean he's tall muscular look at me I have no abs im not that good looking what is in your heads" I said.

**Ok we have a golden opportunity to be stuck with xander don't blow it, and you just dissed yourself.**

I scowled then smirked, and nodded the look on their faces were priceless they actually looked worried.

"well shall we go" I said motioning I walked through the gate, I heard xander fallow me he came up beside me and wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me close, we walked into the plane xander sat after putting his bag above in the storage I grabbed my bag pulling open the container I began to push mine in I looked down to see xander smirked where my hips were I noticed they were right by his face.

_**Even if you don't look that good all men are perverts.**_

I took a deep breath shoving it in the storage container, I walked around in front of him and sat next to him, pulling out my iPod I had a psp in my hand i turned it on and began my game, looking over after I few moments I peeked over xanders shoulder as he looked at the information I read it turning of my iPod I heard xander explain the whole 'game' to the kid I smirked as it scrolled over different people I cringed at the hairy dude. The kid looked at me and thinking my iPod was on he whispered to xander.

"Your girlfriend is weird" he said xander smirked looking at me, I smiled in confusion he turned to the kid.

"Yeah" he said I scowled as the kid left when his mom called him, I took of my headphones off.

"An eleven year old just said I was weird I feel awful" I said rubbing my arm, he chuckled I turned my game back on I started getting into it moving my arms.

"No no turn no don't ahh!" I yelled drawing attention to myself; I smiled and shrunk into my chair.

"It's alright she just has a fear of flying" xander said wrapping an arm around my shoulder I just sat quietly, I turned off my game and snuggled into my chair I laid my head back and dosed off.

**Lazy butt**

_What can I say im a bum_

* * *

Alex: hope you liked those who rate and message get xander pimped out to them maybe.

Xander: are you my pimp now?

Alex: yes if im your hooker girlfriend person im going to be your pimp. Rate and massage, and you get a cookie.


	3. my butt is frozen

"Do you really think this will work?" I asked looking over Xanders shoulder.

"Of course I do" he said smacking me away I sighed sitting down, he sighed turning around he yelled a cake filled with pink flowers.

"Chrystal wake up" I heard someone say looking around I saw nothing then I jolted up.

Looking around I was back n the plane, I looked over to Xander to see him in his long sleeve shirt.

"Do you by chance know how to bake?" I asked earning a confused glance.

_**I cannot believe you just asked him that.**_

"Nothing just a weird dream" I said rubbing my forehead, grabbing my carry on Xander wrapped his arm around my waist and we walked off through the exit, we stood at the baggage claim for what seemed like hours, Xanders bag came around first

"unfair why is yours first" I said causing Xander to chuckle, I just looked back at the turn around confused soon I saw a neon green army duffel I smiled grabbing it I slung it over my shoulder, I put my arm through his and we walked to the door, to see these real big guys about six four in height holding a sign with our names on it.

"Hia so where's the car?" I asked rocking on the balls of my feet they looked at each other for a moment and led us to the car.

"why do people always look at me like that im not that weird" I said I heard him snort I glared at him witch just made him smirk sighing I got into the car it was old and beat up they took my bag as I sat in the front seat.

"Cosy Xander?" I asked as I looked at him between the two guys he glared, I just smiled turning back to the road.

_**He looked like he was going to eat you.**_

_I thought he was just annoyed._

"This is mur-her man I wanna see some ID" Xander said getting annoyed with the situation, I turned to see them flash their id's.

"You're both named Ivan? That's gotta be confusing on Valentine's Day. Where we headed? Fellas I said where we headed? Whatever" he just sat back in the seat best he could.

"valentines would suck what if your girlfriend broke up with you and then his girlfriend sent him a letter you mistake it for yours then went to see her and got dumped twice" I said both Ivan's growled at me Xander chuckled, I peeped and slid back into my seat, I looked out the window to see this grand hotel I sighed dejected as we passed it.

**20 min later**

We pulled up in front of what looked like an abandoned building, slipping out of the car the Ivan's threw our bags on the sidewalk, I picked mine up and slipped it over my shoulder both Ivan's lead us into the building and up a flight of stair we soon made it to a rusty old door Xander pushed it open I peeked inside.

"How homey" I said stepping in I tossed my bag on a second mattress just a few steps away from the other.

"James bond never had to put up with this" Xander said putting his bag on the other mattress, this guy in a cheap suit walks in.

"Sit down" he says I look around at the roach infested furniture.

"I've been on a plane for twelve hours I'll stand." Xander said disgust clear on his face.

"Miss?" the guy asked I cringed.

"Unless you have some raid no thank you" I said cringing in disgust, Ivan shoved Xander into a chair before they could get me I sat on Xander.

_**Why are you sitting on him?**_

_Roach infested chair._

_**Oh.**_

"My name is slavo, Czech secret police. When you are here your under my jurisdiction, you take my orders, you do what I say if you become any kind of inconvenience I'll shoot you and her" he said I scowled.

"Here we go again" Xander said.

"What's with you people and shooting us?" I asked annoyed.

"You're here because your government is putting pressure on my government this is an internal affair, a Czech affair that you are interfering with. I will warn you once: Don't mur-her in my lawn. Get whatever information your government seek and get out." Slavo said being completely strait forward.

"First of all, you should kill whoever sold you that suit. Two, I don't wanna be here either, so just step off. Three, if you had the authority to shoot me you would've done it by now, so just ease up on the machismo,mur-her. Now that we've got that sorted out, I'm gonna get some rest." xander said, slavo scowled at us.

"Be ready in three hours" slavo said leaving both Ivan's stood there I scowled standing up I went over to my bag and squeaked in surprise when a cockroach ran over my foot. I jumped onto the bed cowering.

"It's just a bug" xander said lying on his mattress, I scowled.

"I don't mind cockroaches when there in a tank or something but their everywhere and moving yuck" I said opening my bag, I heard him chuckle I picked up a pillow and tossed it at his head it hit him square in the face I burst into laughter, falling over onto my bed I rolled around laughing I looked up to see xander holding a cockroach.

"won't happen again I swear" I said he smirked and set it down on the floor I sighed in relief as he laid back down on the bed, standing I pulled some clothes out of my bag that they had let me buy, walking around I found the bathroom, I slipped in and changed quickly walking out I saw Xander still asleep, I sighed I looked over at the Ivan's, I snorted at their expressions and walked over to a cupboard I opened it to see no food what so ever.

"fruit loops" I said sighing I walked back over to my bag and pulled out some blue leather hooker boots I slipped them on and tied them up, they matched my blue baseball shirt and black shorts with a blue studded belt, pulling out a small baggy of rings I pulled out three different rings, putting them on I sat on the mattress.

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves everybody's nerves I know song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it go's" I sang quietly, I heard someone stir I looked over both Ivan's knocked Xander off the bed, he stood shaking it off.

"Thanks for the wakeup call boys" he said grabbing a shirt and jeans he walked into the other room and came out after a couple minutes changed.

"Sleep well?" I asked clearly waiting for a snarky answer he rolled his shoulders.

"Like a baby" he said rubbing his head I smirked, both Ivan's stood silently.

"Oh and we don't have food I checked" I said remembering the empty cupboards.

"Just another perk" he said making me giggle.

"I think I would prefer to eat out since the bugs might get into the rest of the food" I said I looked to see both Ivan's open the door.

"Time to go" Xander said walking out first I fallowed, we slipped into a car and drove to the club.

**20 minutes later**

Walking in there were strippers everywhere I grabbed onto xanders arm and squeezed my eyes shut.

_Virgin eyes virgin eyes_

I felt someone pinch me opening my eyes; I saw Xander raise an eyebrow, smiling he rolled his eyes, he had grabbed a bear from a waitress on roller blades.

"Nice hops" he said taking a drink, I rolled my eyes.

"The corner anarchy 99" slavo said I scrunched my nose; we looked over at a corner booth to see them.

"Led zeppelin on tour" I said looking at Xander he smirked grabbing my hand he led me through the crowed leaving slavo behind we walked up to the booth, I tried to look like a good piece of arm candy.

_**I bet you look like an idiot**_

I stood as Xander talked to them; I scanned the area my eyes landing on the only girl in the booth, she eyed me warily I smiled quickly.

"That's the guy" Xander said removing his arm from around my waist, he pushed slavo against the wall.

"Who you workin for? What do you do for a living mur-her" he asked searching him.

"I um work in insurance" slavo said nervous.

"What the Mur-her are you doing?" slavo whispered only I heard, xander pulled out his badge.

"Look what we have here Czech 5-0 on the Mack" he said flashing the badge around to show them, the bodyguards pulled out there guns so slavo high-tailed it out of there I smirked Xander wrapped his arm back around my waist.

"Cops like the plague no matter how many you pay there's always another one with his hand out" yorgi the leader said, he waved over some strippers.

"I just want to buy some cars man" he looked at the guy next to him "is this guy going to hump my leg?" he asked taking a short step away.

"What's your name?" he asked xander looked around.

"Xander cage" he said.

"I knew it, your amazing snow board motorbike everything" one of the guys said.

"Thank you man" Xander said shaking his hand I rolled my eyes lightly.

"My brothers crazy to and a great admirer of yours…he has watched your tapes many times, now we can talk business…this way please" yorgi said motioning to a different area, we fallowed.

"Yelena" yorgi said the girl walked over fallowing behind yorgi.

"Welcome to the Xander zone" one of the guys said xander smirked.

"That's funny that is funny" he said.

"Sit down Mr. Cage" yorgi said we sat down I sat next to him closely.

"My friends call me x" Xander said.

"so x what exactly are you wanting?" yorgi asked Xander pulled a paper out of his pocket.

"Ferraris, high end pasta rockets, to start" he said yorgi took the paper.

"This car number five will be very difficult to find in Europe" yorgi said looking over.

"That ones for me, I put it there to get something out of the deal" xander said.

"Well you certainly know your cars" yorgi said slightly impressed.

"Yeah cars, bikes, boards, you name it... I like anything fast enough to do something stupid in" xander said he looked at the girl.

_**The girl you don't remember her name**_

_Never thought it was that important_

"Ten cars are hardly worth the effort. A lousy million U.S" she said I rolled my eyes.

_And so it begins._

"Now hold on a second" xander said leaning forward "the American buyers I represent to them, cars is an appetizer… and it's a mil max sister how about a million and four? Mil two max" xander said thinking he had won.

"Do you know what a wire transfer is?" she asked, before xander talked I leaned into his ear.

"I'll be right back maybe" I whispered into his ear he nodded I stood up and walked down the stairs from the booth, I walked over to the bar, sitting on a stool I looked over to see them toasting I rubbed my temples I enjoy loud music but this was too much, I felt someone watching me I turned my head to see the girl.

"Hey" I said she smiled.

"Yelena and you?" she asked I smiled.

"Chrystal" I said.

"How old are you?" she asked I raised an eyebrow.

"Nineteen" I said standing.

_**Touchy.**_

Xander walked over to me he grabbed my hand.

"time to go sweetie" he said into my ear I saw him look at Yelena I scowled and pushed ahead dropping his hand I stood out-side waiting for him.

**Jealous much**

"I will not be a Mary-sue and Im not jealous!" I yelled kicking the wall xander walked out at that very moment I looked over at him.

"Jealous about what?" he asked slipping into the car I fallowed.

"Fish" I said as we drove off they dropped us off at the apartment we headed up stairs entering the apartment I quickly changed and slipped into bed.

**Ring ring**

I woke up looking around I saw xanders phone ringing he was about to reach for it but I grabbed it first.

"Hi mommy I wanna come home camp isn't fun" I said in a whiney voice I heard a sigh on the other end.

"Give the phone to xander" Gibson said I giggled.

"It's for you" I said handing him the phone stretching I got out of bed and scratched my head.

"the cars sucked they would have seen through it" he said into the phone I smiled I saw a couple pieces of bacon on the counter grabbing two I sat in front of xander taking a bite.

"I got you the info you wanted" he said I ran over to the papers and picked them up I handed them over to him.

"Names birthday's ranks in red army" he said.

"Kolya, yorgis younger brother happens to be an action sports fanatic, so naturally he's a fan...But when you kill a bottle of vodka in three swigs you'll talk… I got something else" he said walking around.

"Their personal bank number where did I put that?" he asked he shewed me with his hands I began to scurry around looking for his jeans I found them and pulled out the number, handing it to him he opened it.

"Stolen cars night-clubs, prostitution, extortion" he looked over at me raising an eyebrow "what's the big deal? We got criminals like this in the U.S" he said.

"He's right gibby!" I yelled, taking another bite of my bacon.

"Well we did our job, thank you im coming home" he said.

"Were going home I don't want to be stuck here but then again I could form my own cockroach army go my pretties get that girl and her filthy dog" I said cackling evilly as a cockroach scurried across the floor.

"there cool but not that cool…I thought we had a deal….if you send someone to save the world make sure they like It the way it is" he said closing the phone, he took a sip of his coffee I looked over to the empty coffee pot, standing I grabbed his coffee and took a quick drink then handed it back to him.

"So whats up for today?" I asked rocking on my feet.

"Were getting a care package" he said pulling on his jeans he grabbed his shirt and put it on I pulled out a pair of skinny jeans and a tank top with jack Daniels design and grabbed some flip-flops I ran into the bathroom and changed, walking out I brushed my hand through my hair.

"so what was your problem last night?" he asked I stiffened, my mouth opening and closing like a fish.

"umm oh look cars here" I said grabbing a coat I ran out the door, hopping in xander slid into the back and we were driven to the Czech police station we were lead in up onto the roof, a helicopter flew over head landing a nerdy looking guy stepped out and fallowed slavo talking to him.

"That's him…wait you're triple x?" he asked.

"You're the care package?" xander asked.

"I think we've been punk'd" I said looking at the guy.

"Toby lee shavers." He said.

"And im Alex now that were all introduced can we please go inside my butts frozen" i said, the geek nodded so we walked into the building then took the elevator into the basement, I bounced on the ball of my feet as we rode the elevator down.

" meatballs are so good and delicious" I sang xander looked at me oddly and shavers stepped away.

"You have to rate high with Gibson for him to send you this stuff" he said walking through the basement.

"I kind of wish I was going with you, mixed up in the fury of the situation...Crazy license to kill death destruction mayhem…got a gun under your pillow never know when some freak villain will pop out" he said getting excited.

"yep instead of a gun it's a cockroach and this guy is only worried about me popping up and pouring cold water on his head and im scared to death he'll put a cockroach on my head" I said shuttering.

"So how long have you two been with the agency?" he asked stopping.

"Two days" xander replied, shavers mouth dropped open.

"Your mur-hering me. No way that sucks." He said shaking his head.

"Yeah it sucks but its better then jail." Xander replied I nodded.

"And I have nothing better to do" I said looking at my nails.

" it sucks I spent six years in a basement at NSA gadget freak room, man and I got a degree from MIT phi beta kappa magna laude, and they probably picked you up pumping iron in san Quentin and you on a street corner." Shavers said not really realizing it.

"Have you ever got punched in the face for talking too much?" xander asked I glared at shavers.

"Surprised you haven't gotten shot" I said, shavers looked uncomfortable, I smiled.

**You're so evil**

_I know_

* * *

Alex: hello puppets please rate and message no flames.

Xander: try to hold back really.

Alex: don't listen to the man behind the curtain.


	4. authors note

Ok, im thinking of deleting this story, considering that not too many people read it and the lack of reviews. Thanks to those who did without flaming. If you want me to continue please message.


	5. urgent!

Ok I feel awful but this story is going on hiatus until my writers block has gone, and once other plot bunnies have been taken care of.

**Thanks you all for the reviews and support! :)**


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